Feeling Disconnected From The World...

13:09

*Image taken from Tumblr.*
                                                                       
                                                                            Hey beauts,
I don't even know where to begin with this post. I feel that I just have to write this before I actually explode. I honestly feel so unhappy with everything in my life and it isn't simple enough for me to be able to change these things that are making me feel so unhappy with a click of the finger. It isn't even like I've been unhappy for a little while, I've been feeling like this for the past three years. This is my reference to how I've been feeling, have any of you seen that episode of Spongebob Squarepants where Squidward moves house to a place where only hundreds of Octopus's live and at first maybe for the first two days he's happy but then that happiness fades because he's constantly doing the same things over and over again. I feel that's how my life has been for these three years. Constantly doing the same things and feeling exactly the same way and feeling like nothing in my life that makes me unhappy will ever get sorted.

I really hate college and just feel like it's knocking down my confidence and I am in no way enjoying my course and there's only a few weeks left so I don't actually mind but next year if I go to the last year of my course I know I'll just end up being so unhappy like this year but if I don't go then I feel that I might not be able to find a good job for myself for September time and I've been looking a lot these past few weeks but if I can't find a job before September then I'll just be at home feeling really depressed. Then there's so many other things getting me down like feeling as if I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel so lonely all the time and even when people ask me if I'm okay, I just act as if I'm okay because I feel like people don't truly care for my feelings and yes, so many people say "you have Ally, how could you feel lonely because you have her to talk to" but she feels exactly the way I do, so we can't possibly help each other out of these situations. I just wish someone would tell me what I can do right now to cope with everything going on and not "things will get better, you've just got to wait".

 I've just turned 18 and I honestly feel like I'm 13. I don't go out anywhere because I get told I'll be supported but I don't. If you're reading this and thinking "just get a job and quit moaning" because of certain things me & Ally have to look after our niece a lot so that stops us being able to do quite a lot of things and it sucks because we shouldn't have to be tied down. I'm unhappy with my weight and all this other mumbo jumbo. I just wish it would all get better but as of now it just won't get better. If I didn't have blogging then I don't even know what I would be like right now. Pretty sure I would have already had a mental breakdown. I sometimes just feel that I do so much for other people and always listen to their problems but mine just keep mounting up and it makes me feel really upset and sad. I just felt that I needed to write this post to get it off my chest. I don't know what will happen in these next few months but I just hope that these things making me so unhappy will change and that I won't have to constantly feel like this. I can't  believe I am actually publishing this as I am so used to just keeping things inside but enough is enough and I can't continue like this anymore. I've always been good at bottling up my feelings and I guess after three really stressful and sad years I just had to let it all out somehow. My life really is like one big cycle of unhappiness.

                                                                              Vanese
                                                                                 xxx

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7 comments

  1. That quote, that is exactly how I'm feeling right now!

    Also I know how you feel, I feel the exact same as you right now about things! I just got to keep thinking eventually it will get better, somehow! You aren't alone feeling this way don't worry :)

    I'm sorry your feeling so down :(
    xx

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    1. Thank you for the lovely comment Roxii! it's so horrible feeling like this, isn't it. :( the quote literally couldn't be more accurate!

      I like the way you think, you just need to have a positive mind otherwise everything will get the best of you. I really hope you feel better soon lovely and remember I am always here if you need someone to talk to. :')

      xx

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  2. Sorry to hear you've been feeling so down! I'm going through a really rough and hard part of my life as well and rarely like to make things public but as means of an insight, my mum has cancer and I live away from my family at uni so I'm constantly feeling down/guilty I don't get to be with her enough. But if there's any advice I can give from someone who knows how it is to feel really low, I'd say you need to concentrate on yourself. Spend time doing the things YOU love and what makes YOU happy. If you're not happy with college, it's not the end of the world and there's other options. In my experience I've found that making yourself happy is a lot more important that anything/one else in life. You're the only person who will ever truly view yourself as number 1, therefore you need to nourish and nurture yourself!

    Take everything a day at a time, don't look too far into the future as it's the route to sadness when you're constantly worrying/fretting about which direction life is going to take you. If you live day by day and try to find joy in the things you do daily, you will soon start to feel happier.

    And remember that tough times may not last but tough people do!

    Hugs, hope you feel better soon.

    http://lovefromchar.blogspot.co.uk xx

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    1. Charlea, not for a minute should you feel guilty but I'm sure it must be really hard with uni and just wanting to go home. I am really sorry to hear about your mum. The fact that you told me that and that you're a really positive person just shows that you've got a strong heart.

      I so needed to hear that. I've come to realise that I have been putting everyone else before myself and I really just need some me time and just to feel happy within myself.

      Thank you for your comment lovely, so nice of you. and sending lots of hugs your way too. And remember let me know if you need a chat if everything gets too much for you.

      xx

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  3. Oh sweetheart! I'm giving you a virtual hug right now because I've been there. I remember when I was 18 I was studying Law at uni and absolutely hating it! I felt pressured to go to uni and chose Law because I was good at it, not because I enjoyed it. I was super sad then and that time is all a bit of a blur for me. I decided to leave in my second year because I hardly recognised myself. The job market is tough at the moment but there must be something out there (for me too ha).

    Things will get better. Charlea gave the best advice, just take each day as it comes. Focus on all the good things in your life. Tomorrow is the AX Paris event, even if you just feel really happy for a few hours that's something!

    I'm sure your friends and family love you very much and will support you no matter what. Oh I wish I had a twin sister! ;)

    Tara
    xoxo




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    1. Aww, seriously thank you so much for this comment Tara! things can get really hard and obviously you can't be 100% happy all the time so you've got to just make the most of the time that you actually are happy. Charlea really did and from what she said I've learned that I seriously need to take everyday one step at a time otherwise everything just becomes too much to handle. I'm glad that you didn't let uni get the better of you and that you decided to do what you thought was best.

      Sending you lots of virtual hugs! :D Haha, two Tara's would be pretty cool! ;)

      xxxx

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  4. Hey dear I really like your blog! What about following each other? Also on bloglovin, facebook and even on Lookbook if you want...just let me know :3 <3


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