*Image taken from Tumblr.*
I don't even know where to begin with this post. I feel that I just have to write this before I actually explode. I honestly feel so unhappy with everything in my life and it isn't simple enough for me to be able to change these things that are making me feel so unhappy with a click of the finger. It isn't even like I've been unhappy for a little while, I've been feeling like this for the past three years. This is my reference to how I've been feeling, have any of you seen that episode of Spongebob Squarepants where Squidward moves house to a place where only hundreds of Octopus's live and at first maybe for the first two days he's happy but then that happiness fades because he's constantly doing the same things over and over again. I feel that's how my life has been for these three years. Constantly doing the same things and feeling exactly the same way and feeling like nothing in my life that makes me unhappy will ever get sorted.
I really hate college and just feel like it's knocking down my confidence and I am in no way enjoying my course and there's only a few weeks left so I don't actually mind but next year if I go to the last year of my course I know I'll just end up being so unhappy like this year but if I don't go then I feel that I might not be able to find a good job for myself for September time and I've been looking a lot these past few weeks but if I can't find a job before September then I'll just be at home feeling really depressed. Then there's so many other things getting me down like feeling as if I don't have anyone to talk to. I feel so lonely all the time and even when people ask me if I'm okay, I just act as if I'm okay because I feel like people don't truly care for my feelings and yes, so many people say "you have Ally, how could you feel lonely because you have her to talk to" but she feels exactly the way I do, so we can't possibly help each other out of these situations. I just wish someone would tell me what I can do right now to cope with everything going on and not "things will get better, you've just got to wait".
I've just turned 18 and I honestly feel like I'm 13. I don't go out anywhere because I get told I'll be supported but I don't. If you're reading this and thinking "just get a job and quit moaning" because of certain things me & Ally have to look after our niece a lot so that stops us being able to do quite a lot of things and it sucks because we shouldn't have to be tied down. I'm unhappy with my weight and all this other mumbo jumbo. I just wish it would all get better but as of now it just won't get better. If I didn't have blogging then I don't even know what I would be like right now. Pretty sure I would have already had a mental breakdown. I sometimes just feel that I do so much for other people and always listen to their problems but mine just keep mounting up and it makes me feel really upset and sad. I just felt that I needed to write this post to get it off my chest. I don't know what will happen in these next few months but I just hope that these things making me so unhappy will change and that I won't have to constantly feel like this. I can't believe I am actually publishing this as I am so used to just keeping things inside but enough is enough and I can't continue like this anymore. I've always been good at bottling up my feelings and I guess after three really stressful and sad years I just had to let it all out somehow. My life really is like one big cycle of unhappiness.